Georgia: Investigating a purse snatching, detectives
picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him
back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the
victim for an I.D. The suspect carefully eyed the victim, and blurted,
"Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."
Arizona: A man walked into a local Kwik
Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the
take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a
cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine,
though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left
the scene and drove home...with the chain still attached to the machine...with
their bumper still attached to the chain...with their vehicle's license
plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police
station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk
sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who
sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery
store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier
handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet (with ID) on the
counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf
holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle
chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist
does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the
tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial
amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages
gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from
a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got
4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a
deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence.
For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got
10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store,
pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask
over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in
the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into
a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up
pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not
get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out
the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty
badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home
site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they
snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto
the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain
surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*
walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house,
and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked
the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened
the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in
the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said
that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his
hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd
ever had.
San Francisco: It seems a man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing
in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not
the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept
his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the
man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the
police who seized the man as he waited a the back of the line at Bank
of America.
(Location Unknown): A woman was reporting her car
as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman
taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered
that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.
They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
Michigan: Drug possession defendant Christopher
Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need
a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been
a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the
judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine
in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute
recess to compose himself.
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the
armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week
when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones
said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the
store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped
up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your
[expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added,
"-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes
to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.
Michigan: R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol
officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children
in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the
officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them
his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen
showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St.
Louis, Missouri.
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank
after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was
remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere
in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the
camera).
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Michigan:
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
California:
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving
alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers
in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judge ruled
that passengers must be alive to qualify.
Ohio: A man arrested for sexual
assault in June, crawled into bed with three sleeping women and had
sex with one of them "to prove a point." He said he wanted "to show
her she could be had," because he suspected the women to be a lesbian.
Said the investigator, "He thought it would bring her back right and
make her act right."
